While waiting in the customer service line at Kmart the other day–New Year’s
Eve afternoon–I had time to notice the recall posters taped along the top of
the divider behind the counter. I suppose it’s a formality–some kind of
discount retailer requirement forcing them to post about malfunctioning products
that’ve spent time on their shelves. The line was ten people long; I had
plenty of time to look around, watch folks tug apart gigantic bins for storing
away their holiday decor, listen to a cryptic exchange between two customers
using Western Union to wire cash afar, and read over the fax-blob postings about
failed products.

Among the recalls was a crock pot we received as a gift a few years
ago: a Holmes
Slow Cooker. I used it in early December for beef/vegetable
improv. Just about anything slow cooked with salt and pepper turns out
okay. Consequently, I cook in HSC all the time. I’ve never returned
a product for recall. Never. But now I’ll follow the instructions on the
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission web site, "immediately stop using the
product and contact The Holmes Group to receive instructions on receiving a
replacement base." It is a crock pot, after all, and when I looked up
crock just now, I verified that it refers both to an open, earthen jar and also to a nonsense message. In fact, it associates etymologically with the
Norwegian krake, meaning sickly animal, and the Middle Dutch
kraecke, or broken-down horse. So I guess this makes the
recall seem imminent, as fateful as the contents of a slow cooker being, well,
hot, which is among the complaints waged against the device.