I received an email earlier this evening announcing a hot new version of
Google Analytics. Since
I’m putting off packing for
C&W, I clicked around
in it for a couple of minutes. Most of what I found was impressive, highly
detailed, analytical, and so on. But when I zoomed in on the U.S.,
something was off. Michigan, the state where I was born and raised, the
land of Vernors and Koegels (milk and honey, bah!), appeared malformed.

I zoomed in once again and found the same funky shape, only larger.

This can only mean one of the following:

  1. The designer at Google Analytics had one too many Old Milwaukees for
  2. The U.P. has, in fact, always been the shape of the stock of a shotgun.
  3. Four of the Great Lakes have been bulldozed after all of that precious
    fresh water was leeched by a Las Vegas irrigation swindle.
  4. Google Analytics is consulting with a cartographer from Monroe who
    mistakenly used his whole arm for a quick-map.


  1. Clearly, it’s designed to show the location of pirate surfers, stationed off the coasts. If they excluded the Lakes, then the dots would be floating in, like, plain open space. Or Canadia or something.

    And people would be confused.

  2. I think the designers are showing what the state will look like in a few years when the lakes dry up as a result of global warming.

    The new (improved) land mass will provide resettlement space for the refugees from the east coast, who will be underwater.

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