{"id":6896,"date":"2008-02-07T12:20:33","date_gmt":"2008-02-07T12:20:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.earthwidemoth.com\/blog\/2008\/02\/07\/doubling-back\/"},"modified":"2008-02-07T12:20:33","modified_gmt":"2008-02-07T12:20:33","slug":"doubling-back","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.earthwidemoth.com\/blog\/2008\/02\/07\/doubling-back\/","title":{"rendered":"Doubling Back"},"content":{"rendered":"\u23f3 Approximate reading time: <\/span> 2<\/span> mins<\/span><\/span>

I emerged from Netheruary break on Monday still in a bit of a haze from the
\nweekend. Did you see that the Giants won the Superbowl? Enjoyed
\nevery minute of it.<\/p>\n

But this is an entry about the diss. I expected that I would bound back
\ninto my daily paces on Monday, resume the 9-noon sessions, aiming for roughly
\ntwo pages each day so as to have a draft of Chapter Four by the end of February.
\nBut I fell into a slump. I couldn’t see<\/i> the chapter. I knew vaguely what I
\nwanted to do. I had an outliney plan, a few notes, a bottle of Vitamin Water. I had the graphs I
\npainstakingly built day by day throughout January. And I remain fond of the
\ngraphs. I think they’re quite good for getting at what I take to be the aim of
\nthe chapter. But! I couldn’t grasp the chapter; couldn’t sense it,
\ncouldn’t begin it in a smart-enough place. And, therefore, piling them up 2 p.
\nby 2 p. by 2 p., I typed nearly seven pages of rubbish between Monday and
\nWednesday. I would excerpt some of it to win my point; then again, I would
\nnever subject you to such inhospitable treatment.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Is this self-deprecation? Nah. It’s an acknowledgement that even
\nat half-way into the project, it has its challenges. Writing a
\ndissertation is not like climbing a hill for sledding; the burden felt in the
\nfirst half does not mean the second half will be a wild and reckless
\nget-out-of-my-way joy ride with hot cocoa waiting when I’ve had enough. Instead,
\nbecause I am so far removed from much of the work I did in the first two
\nchapters, I struggle against the need to re-explain, re-set-up, re-establish
\nsome of the conceptual bounds I introduced early on. Thank goodness, my
\ndirector listened to my dilemma yesterday and told me this: "Give it a clean
\nbreak." And so I have. I began again, setting aside the seven
\nawkward, stilted, unfocused pages I cringed through Mon-Wed. Suddenly, it
\nis much better (although the sun did not beam through the gray clouds; it is
\nstill<\/i> Syracuse in February). I can sense the chapter, and the opening
\ngambit is a million times (er, at least 10,000 times) better than what I tried
\nthe first go-round. <\/p>\n

What I want to note about this is that I am becoming both more humble and
\nmore mature (i.e., flexible) about my writing. I knew something was wrong;
\nI knew a conversation in which I could unload a few of my cryptic thoughts would
\nhelp. And I didn’t feel so strongly about the seven pages that I was the
\nleast bit sorry about relegating them to the junk heap. I remember a time
\nwhen I would have felt so invested in something of that length that I would have
\nclung desperately to it and finessed it until I believed it was
\nsalvageable–even if it wasn’t. I’m still getting used to the idea of scrapping
\nlarge passages–even pages–of whatever I’ve written. I’ve never found the
\nthought all that appealing. Well-timed, I guess, given that I leafed through
\nMurray’s The Craft of Revision<\/i> after the title turned up on the WPA-L the
\nother day. He begins Chapter One, "Write to Rewrite," with a short
\nepigraph from Beckett: "Fail. Fail again. Fail better." I suppose it’s
\nreasonable to say I am failing better today than I was earlier this week.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u23f3 Approximate reading time: <\/span> 2<\/span> mins<\/span><\/span>I emerged from Netheruary break on Monday still in a bit of a haze from the weekend. Did you see that the Giants won the Superbowl? Enjoyed every minute of it. But this is an entry about the diss. 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It's raw in a couple of spots (a pile of I mights and what if I?s), but it's fifteen pages not counting the 50+ citations in the provisional bib, and that means done enough for a round of preliminary feedback.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Dissertation"","block_context":{"text":"Dissertation","link":"https:\/\/www.earthwidemoth.com\/blog\/category\/dissertation\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":6729,"url":"https:\/\/www.earthwidemoth.com\/blog\/2007\/04\/15\/post-6\/","url_meta":{"origin":6896,"position":2},"title":"Clouds, Graphs, Maps","author":"Derek Mueller","date":"April 15, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"A couple of days ago Mike posted notes on my CCCC talk from late last month, and I was reminded that I'm at least ten days past due on the video I said I would produce following the conference. 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