{"id":6275,"date":"2005-03-30T22:47:47","date_gmt":"2005-03-30T22:47:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.earthwidemoth.com\/blog\/2005\/03\/30\/was-a-toothy-ki\/"},"modified":"2005-03-30T22:47:47","modified_gmt":"2005-03-30T22:47:47","slug":"was-a-toothy-ki","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.earthwidemoth.com\/blog\/2005\/03\/30\/was-a-toothy-ki\/","title":{"rendered":"Was A Toothy Kid"},"content":{"rendered":"\u23f3 Approximate reading time: <\/span> 3<\/span> mins<\/span><\/span>

And so I wore a plastic retainer, top and bottom, for four or five years. At
\nlunch, I would pop the metal-plastic devices out and wrap them in napkins to
\navoid showing (and thereby stimulating the raucous fun-making, teasing,
\nridicule, shame, etc.) them to onlookers while we ate.  Throughout first
\ngrade we public schoolers ate lunch in the basement of the Catholic church next
\ndoor to the little yellow school house.  For first and second-graders only,
\nthe yellow school was a two-roomer, later demolished because of an infestation
\nof bees. (Yellow building…swarm of bees, I’m serious) But back in the basement
\nof the Catholic church (the same cafeteria used to feed the kids who attended
\nthe Catholic school), a half hour with all the ordinary aliments and
\nroutines–something with mashed potatoes. Until I absentmindedly<\/i> tossed
\nthe napkin-wrapped retainers into the trash with the rest of my unconsumed
\nfoodstuff.  Unnoticed.  About an hour later, coming off the high of
\nrecess, it occurred to me that I’d misplaced the expensive straighteners. 
\nAnd so I quit my crying, and Mrs. W talked my two good friends (P. and S.) into
\nwalking back over to the basement of the Catholic church where everyone
\nincluding the priest, no doubt, had finished their mid-day victuals and had left
\nus more than eight gigantic bags of garbage.  The three of us picked
\nthrough it, bit by bit by bit in search of the coveted set of plastic retainers. 
\nS. finally found them (said he thought it was a bundle of potatoes; why do kids
\nwrap up food they intend to throw out?), saved the day.  Quite a friend, S. \n<\/p>\n

Of course the dental drama carried forward.  There were lots of dentist
\nappointments, too many after-schools spent in the dentist’s waiting room. 
\nIt was high-priced torture, really.  In fact, eventually, I was awarded a
\nwire key, which I used to crank a single arrow-notch each week, thereby turning
\nthe screw that widened the apparatus that stretched my aching jaw over a period
\nof several years.  Dental behaviorism: "When it stops<\/i> hurting, turn
\nthe key again."    <\/p>\n

\n
\nNo stranger<\/a> all the agony that follows from accepting an invitation to sit
\nin the chair, I returned to the dentist this morning for a regular cleaning (a
\nnew dentist for me since we’re less than a year in NY).  Have a brief
\npictographic recapitulation of the one hour appointment:<\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

Clown posters, a record-setting repeat loop of
\nUptown Girl, and bleeding gums.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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