I am beginning this short piece on the afternoon of June 30, a postmark I am recording because I don’t know how long it will take to sort through the many stripes of skunk thoughts I have been thinking over the past month. It has been just one month since I moved back to Washtenaw County after eight years living very rurally, as in no-cell-signal-rurally end-of-dirt-road-rurally, in SW Virginia. As it happens, this is also the eve of a new job, an appointment as faculty director of the Sweetland Center for Writing at the University of Michigan. Tomorrow I will walk to the near end of the block, wait for the AATA’s The Ride, bus number 5, and take it to the vicinity where the BTC hub is under construction (along with 90% of Ann Arbor, evidently), then walk to the humanities building basement to retrieve a work computer, and then to the office, which I’ve learned flooded sometime in the past month.

I went with Counting Skunks for two reasons. The first is that last evening as A. and I played a couple of hands of gin rummy around 9 p.m. ET, we listened to Ann Arbor’s 107.1 FM on the radio, a show I know and enjoy from way back called Sonic Bliss, which played a song, Mr. Jones, by the Counting Crows. A. loves the Counting Crows; I plug my ears, please, no. We hadn’t ever talked about the Counting Crows nor about how polarized we were in our tastes-distastes for their music-hellnoise. Searching for the right words, I quipped that I felt the Counting Crows’ music stunk, that they had not rightly earned their association with crows and that instead a better fitting name would have been Counting Skunks. The second reason is that soon after moving to East Ann Arbor a month ago in late May, when we would walk Feta, we saw a remarkable number of skunks. Stenches and stenches of skunks wandered the streets, casual-like, carefree, like this was just how things worked around here. Some evenings between 7-8 p.m. we would see as many as three skunks scuttling about, on the sidewalks and in the street, in yards, ducking beneath vehicles, slinking into shrubbery, etc. Feta, our cherished Norwegian Elkhound, doesn’t seem to have had many encounters with skunks in the time before we adopted her from the Montgomery County (Va.) Animal Care and Adoption Center and none over the past two years at our place at the end of Rosemary Road, either. Low skunkeracy, if skunk knowledge was a kind of canine literacy. I say this because Feta does not seem to realize the potency of any skunk’s defenses; she barks and tugs on her leash, like she wants to chase the skunk, like the skunk is no different than a rabbit or squirrel in the game of pseudohunting. But these semi-urban skunks respond to Feta with the flattest of dispositions. As though cloaked in nonchalance, they act like they don’t hear or see her. They just check in winningly with their fulsome anal glands readied for directed expression, milling about as though Feta presents not a speck of threat in their worlds. This skunk coolness fuels Feta to yet greater displays of pulling and vocalized woof woof-woof woof. Meanwhile, it’s like we have a clearer and clearer foresight into Feta’s inevitably befouled future, the expectancy of seers-as-smellers, olfactory prophets.

Shortly after we saw the first skunk milling around our backyard chicken tractor (mobile coop and run) one evening, I looked up local pest removal services. There are at least two such services in Ann Arbor. I won’t name them here because I have not employed them and I am not interested in that kind of trouble; truly, I don’t have much evidence upon which to base any evaluation of their quality. I learned from one that their pricing starts at $800 for the first assessment and trapping, followed by additional fees for successive trappings. In Virginia, a comparable service was available for raccoons, which started at $150 for a ten day period, which included setting and baiting a live trap for ten days along with removing the first raccoon, and then each subsequent raccoon caught and removed within the ten day window would add $50 to the invoice. Three raccoons in ten days would cost $250, much cheaper than the $800 starting charge here locally in Michigan. I continued to call around. Another national franchise gave me an appointment window for doing an on-site assessment, but then the person never showed up, never called, nothing. When I called the dispatcher to ask if there had been a misunderstanding, they offered to reschedule, which I said no thanks because no-shows on two hour service appointment windows rank right up there with being sprayed by a skunk. I then placed a call and left two different phone messages for a small animal removal specialist in Jackson, Mich., but he never called back. Too busy? Out of business? I don’t know. And finally I reached a second service and received a bid exactly matched with the one I already had in hand, $800 for the first removal and then $80 per month for continued monitoring and removals. Prices match in Ann Arbor’s skunk removal duopoly.

When taking Feta out for a walk, especially first thing in the morning, around 6:30 a.m., we angle west, south, southwest, south, southwest, south, west, then north along Platt Road, then west into Mary Beth Doyle Park, bending course to the paved path, and home along Packard Road, 2.5 miles altogether. Overnight sprayed zones disturb the route at seemingly random locations, though there are more spoiled air pockets in the neighborhoods than in the woods. I imagine this to be a kind of smell-o-map nose coded with red zones suggesting more frequent escalatory encounters; more skunk meets non-skunk encounters happen in the suburbs—with dogs, cars, and people—thus, more spraying. So although I have not been sprayed directly by any skunk, the smell is familiar enough, its distinct heavy mattress holding wretched shape, an air stain of old coffee, decay, urea, and marijuana smoke. Read around online about skunk odors and you will see this scent characterized as “musky.” Again and again language betrays reality, reality-adjacent through deficits, excesses, and skews, but musky is a more extreme betrayal. Not the right word, not close. The scent is so much more than musky.

This world has skunks with many striping variations, though around here it appears that we have Canada skunks, or mephitis mephitis, if given over to Latinate taxonomies. You need to know this so you can, when you whiff a skunk’s air stain, exclaim, “Putrid mephitis at it again!” The Wikipedia entry for Striped Skunk traces the etymology of “skunk” to a few different indigenous sources, and it includes facts like, “The Cree and Ojibwe word shee-gawk is the root word for Chicago, which means ‘skunk-land’.” One of us will win a midwestern trivia night for remembering this. By reading in wider circles, I learned that skunks perform masterfully a sensorial traversal considering that their highest possible contrast coloration evolved to impress upon observers of all species and all chromaticities marks of distinction indexed for long-term memory. The black-white alternation sears a visual impression; it pops with black-white non-color, establishing for itself an unmistakable know-it-when-I-see-it reputation. Simultaneously, its visual language pairs with subtlety and reserve, as it withholds its most arresting defenses—the intensely odorous liquid jetted (or, as situation warrants, misted) from its anal glands. A blog entry titled, “How Many Times Can a Skunk Spray?”, from a Dallas, Texas, critter control service, tells it like this:


A skunk’s anal glands have two protruding nipples for spraying. These animals can control their sphincter muscles and get their nipples to spray in whichever direction they want. They can even control the size of the openings to adjust the spraying consistency. If a skunk knows what and where its attacker is, it will produce a stream aimed directly at its face. But if unsure, it creates a fine mist of pungent liquid that covers its attacker. A skunk spray is so potent it can cause temporary blindness and vomiting.



Blindness? Only temporary blindness. One must imagine the skunk’s anal glands to hold a limited volume, and though there are variable, skunk-controlled flow rates and correspondingly differential rhetorical velocities from direct shot to misted ambience, the well will run dry. A listicle from a Maryland-based contractor, Calvert Exterminators, notes that a skunk’s refractory period is approximately 10 days. I wonder how ornately this has been studied, whether there is seasonal variability (e.g., related to abundance of food or weather/climate) and whether expressions are always total or are, instead, partial at times. A quarter expression in April, for instance, or a half expression in September.




I read in one forum that skunks cannot resist classic nacho cheese Doritos with each chip touched by a dab of creamy peanut butter. What else, besides humans, would find this snack attractive? Possums, maybe? Squirrels or mice? But not feral cats. Dogs, yes. As I write nearing conclusion, now on Thursday, July 9, the grassy areas near the mobile chicken coop are scratched here and there, passing divots from where probably a skunk paused in the dark of night, scavenging for traces of pelletized chicken food, or whatever. On Tuesday evening at dusk there were two skunks in the yard. We are watchful, alert, extra vigilant, counting skunks, counting as miraculous that we have not, not yet, been “introduced,” though Michigan, no wonder it is so wanting for peninsulas, is one of seventeen U.S. states where it is legally allowable to keep a skunk as a pet.












