Terminal Mesterbation

I am out of patience for coinages that use "-mester" to name some new
period of time for college study. Semester, trimester: I can live with
these. Even "Maymester," has a certain ring to it, although it could just
be that I was born into May that it sounds okay. May might be the only
month that works with "-mester." Syracuse offers a Maymester. Quadrimester,
no. Mester is, in effect, a Latin root meaning month, right? Consider a few of the possible, if redundant, blends:

Janumester
Februmester
Marchmester
Aprimester
Junemester
Julmester
Augmester
Septembestermester
Octmester

Mercy already! You get the point. Yet today I saw promotional materials
that use one of these identifiers for a four-week term of study. If you
don’t believe me, Google all of them and you will see.

Did you look them up? It’s Julmester. Julmester?

In fact, two of these–Julmester and Junemester–are in circulation now as I
blog. The only place we even find "-mesters" are in the academy and in the
maternity ward. Higher ed, in my opinion, does not need to be any -mesterier
than it is already. Perhaps listing a few more -mesters will keep their great awkwardness out of play, maybe even make those who think them up pause when they
search to see which -mesters have already been scooped. More to chill your
spine:

Here-today-gone-tomorrowmester
Lakers-in-a-sweepmester
I’m-a-lousy-tester-mester
Winchester-Cathedralmester
Karatemester
Extracreditmester
Yestermester
JƤgermeistermester
Earthwidemothmester
Who-are-you-the-mester-police? Yestermester.
Put-a-forkester-in-memester

By now you have thought of one or two others to claim so nobody else ever
ever tries to use it to identify a new! improved! term of academic studymester.
If so, feel free to add them in the comments.

1 Comment

  1. We’ve just gone to six, 7-week semesters for a program I teach in, and I’m afraid I am enamored of both the possibilities: hexmester and sexmester.

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