Wednesday’s episode promised big returns. Three mysteries would be
solved. Kinks from seasons one and two would be massaged flat again, the
program’s terrain simplified, explained.

What did we get?

1. Jack’s tattoo says one thing and means another. I
   thought that line was really stupid. A groaner. "It might ‘say’
   that, but that’s not what it ‘means’." Oy. The entire Thailand
   backstory felt contrived and disconnected. But good lord a’mighty, did
   he get roughed up for demanding to be marked.
2. The Others have yards. Their lives are domestic. They only
   work on Ben’s island (the former zoo/aquarium outpost). The
   Others, including Cindy, the flight attendant, saw Jack in the cage and
   didn’t do a thing. "Oh, hey Jack, what are you doing in that cage?"
   The encounter between Cindy and Jack was almost the low point of this
   episode. First, I figured she and the kids had been mind-scrubbed,
   drugged into passivity and foggetfulness. But no: "Anna Lucia?" asked the
   girl. Sheesh.
3. Alex and Carl are in love. The pan from Alex to the stars to Carl was
   almost the low point of this episode. They named a constellation
   together. The plot sellout conspiracy theorist in me thinks this is
   hokey teenage outreach. Rose and Bernard were too old; Alex and Carl
   are sort of young. Plus, Carl’s brain, like the brains of so many
   youth these days, is jellied from overloads in the media-barrage room.
   Poor Carl. Honestly, I might not be capable of caring less about these
   two characters.

Are these the three mysteries? Or was one of the solved mysteries that
there are no longer Dharma-stamped sharks guarding the straits (which Sawyer,
Kate, and lazy Carl paddled through uneventfulzzz)? Or was it that Michael and
Walt are not coming back? Or was it that Ben’s surgery didn’t go so
well after all? Or was it that Isabelle, the sheriff, knows her Chinese
letters but has no real authority? I don’t know what the three mysteries
were. But, like
Collin,
I was disappointed. As good as the previous Desmond-centric episode was,
Wednesday’s episode was a disappointment of equal weight. I didn’t buy the line
about Ethan being a doctor, and I thought the closing Titanic-esque scene with
Jack and Julliette wondering silently at the stars from the front of the tug was
corny. I mean, what is it, a fifteen minute tug boat ride? Oh, and I almost
forgot, the aloe application scene ("hey, snap me off a sprig from that aloe
plant"). I’ll count that as the low point of episode 3.9.

Enough grumping. With the three biggest mysteries solved, we need to
move on to mysteries 4-6. They’re the new 1-3, according to the latest
Coaches’ Poll. These are the three mysteries I think should be the next
big three:

1. If the island worked its healing magic on John’s legs and Rose’s cancer,
   why in the heck isn’t it ridding Ben of his tumor?
2. What of the giant four-toed leg-statue thing we saw at the end of season
   two?
3. Is Alex really Rousseau’s daughter or Ben’s daughter? Both?

Add others to the list as you see fit. Maybe the writers/producers will
catch wind of this and give us another answer-filled episode of Solved,
Mysteries 4-6.