Here’s how this afternoon’s writing went, expressed in a schematic
illustration with precise measurements:

Nah. I’m kidding around. But I figured, *shrug,* what the hell? Having a bit
of dryness at the blog, why not post a schematic of a toilet bowl and feature it
as a commentary on the occasional struggle involved in writing. Plus, that way
I’ll have a grand total of 19 entries in the month of September–making this a
solid lock for second-highest effort in the 2006 blogging campaign.

To the News & Notes list

• Our scanner expired. An HP 4600 flatbed, little more than a year old (but
  irreversibly beyond the terms of the warranty). Its poor bulb dimmed, and
  would never shine again, no matter how many times I pounded my fist against
  the cheap plastic casing in miserly frustration. Just to be sure I wasn’t
  missing something like a driver upgrade or a known problem, I dialed onto the
  internets, went to the HP site, and initiated a customer service chat. Do you
  love online customer service chats or what? Given the success of the Padres
  and Saints, it was a small victory to get a rep named Santiago. He was the one
  who lucked into chatting with me about my crappy scanner, then gave me the
  automated text which read, "Be patient while I check our records for the
  status of your warranty" after I’d already explained to him that I was
  some forty days since we’d celebrated the scanner’s first and only birthday.
• I pitched a rock and thus lost in our family’s annual "Who Will Attend the
  Parent Orientation?" rock-scissor-paper game. And it has been raining a
  perfectly miserable drizzle all afternoon and evening. I thought to myself,
  What could be worse than going to the high school and listening to a bunch of
  teachers rattle off ten-minute versions of their courses before–bell
  rings–moving to another classroom for the same? Nothing. I could think of
  nothing worse. But then I got there, and it wasn’t so unbearable after all.
  Everybody praised Ph. (although nearly everyone is calling him by the shorter
  version of his name: P. How’d that happen? "I enjoy having P. in
  class." "You mean Ph." "Yeah, P. sure is a delight.")
• Ph. has cool classes and terrific teachers. The music class, "Music In Our
  Lives," was especially promising, if a bit heavy on rationalism. The spiel
  went something like "We’re emphasizing listening with an intellect rather than
  emotion. Students are good at emotional listening, but they often have a hard
  time thinking about what they hear." Probably true, but still. Emotion bad,
  reason good. Social studies looks to be the toughest one on the schedule. But
  the teacher is also our neighbor. And she’s friendly. The class requires
  Cornell Notes, which urges the recording of big ideas and small details during
  a lecture followed by a summary paragraph after the lecture. The tough part is
  that the summary paragraph is an everyday requirement, but there are just two
  note-checks per marking period. Better keep up! I also went to Earth Science
  and English 10 (reading novels, writing through generic models, and sampling
  "critical theory"…oh?). And then I stopped in for a ten-minute bit from the
  health teacher who also happens to coach Ph.’s (or is it P. now?)
  soccer team. Seemed like a good class, but there were so many health and
  wellness messages postering the walls I could hardly pay attention to the
  talk. One poster presented the procedures for protecting a banana with a
  condom. Holy smokes. Gotta love public schools. Everyone in the auditorium at
  the beginning of the orientation was asked by the principal to stand and
  recite the pledge. "I pledge allegiance to the…."
• Once I was home again, plopped on the couch, gobbling dinner, and flipping
  channels, D. had Is. on her
  
  playmat "gym" and lo and behold she rolled over for the first time. She
  refused to perform the feat a second time (why bother?), but all of the fanfare
  riled in Y. a small yelp or two from the office. "Roll over," after all, is
  his latest achievement, as well. And although we’re less jubilant in
  celebrating it with him, he deserves a nod for doing it first, if only by a
  couple of days.