My 06-07 NCTE Professional Resources catalog arrived in the mail yesterday.
I leafed through it, giving it a thorough looky-loo, and while I was curious to
find more kits than ever before, here are a few of the literacy education kits I
did not find. Maybe next year.
- Soup of Soups Recipe Writing Kit: Consists of 35 plastic spoons, a dried
leg bone from an unidentified farm animal, a cube of bullion, dehydrated
carrot flakes, and a stack of Country-classic Style Aunt Bonnie Recipe Cards
- What In the Heck Were You Thinking Kit: Inside you’ll find a small
glassine envelope filled with quick-forget dust, which, when you cast it into
the air induces such raucous fits of sneezing that everyone in the class will
fail to recall the wrong-headed lesson you danced through on the previous day.
Includes a set of handouts for fill-in-the-blank haiku.
- Remove-A-Tongue Kit: Face it, during the winter months students sometimes
put their tongues to the metal poles at recess. Minimize the trauma and
embarrassment with this kit. Contents: a Dixie cup for filling with warm,
- Singing Aloud Absent Musical Inclination Kit: Cochlea-numbing eardrops.
- Graffiti Paintball Kit: Contains all of the makings for splattering
miscellaneous verbiage on the school grounds. Also includes
official-looking invitations to distract up to three administrators with a
"lunch away," and two sets of stencils (12" and 28").
- Testing Your Shakespeare Professor’s Coffee Mug Contents for Traces of
Liquor Kit: Basically, it’s a miniature chemistry lab. Results may take up to
ten days to materialize; be patient and continue studying your Lear in the
- Whatnot and Detritus Kit: Ships overnight from the Jasper County
Landfill. No two Mystery Kits are quite the same, guaranteed.
- Lame Skit Kit: Two peacock feathers and a Julie Andrews audition cassette
tape. Cassette tape player not included.
- Time to Fill Friday Afternoon Roar For
John Kitna Kit:
inflatable Lions fan helmet and a package of 1000 thumb tacks. (Available only
in SE Michigan.) Going fast! The first fifty orders include a free autographed
Charles Rogers poster.
- Retired Mobile Devices Sandbox Kit: One 60G iPod with a dead battery, a
Nintendo Gameboy and two cell phones along with a twenty pound bag of Malibu
sand, and an instructional guide.