Infantesimal

Model: 0308L00

With a hand from Ph., I assembled the crib yesterday. I’d take a
picture, but we don’t have a mattress for it yet. And I wouldn’t want the
blog to nose-dive even further into the anything-goes depths signaled by
an entry with a photo of a mattress-less baby crib.

Here’s my favorite line from the instructions. It wins for two reasons:
1.) It’s the only RED (bold and all caps)
instructional statement in the seven page packet; and 2.) I read it ten, maybe
twelve times and it suggested new and different meanings to me each time.
You’ll see: "Please make sure that the top of the post is at the lowest position
to be connected to the top of the rail of the end panel while screwing."

Give up? I did too. And yet, by some miracle of good fortune the
crib went solidly together with no unused hardware and no diagram or action step
unchecked (besides the cryptograph above).

At birthing class tonight, the teacher emptied her "goodie bag" onto the
floor. The "goodie bag" is a tote filled with odds and ends for the big trip to
the hospital: socks, loose change, a coach’s snack (that’s me; I’m the "coach"),
music, toothbrushes, and so on. It’s a long list of items. Again the
teacher emphasized having on hand a focal point representative of the baby.
A toy or a photo of something. And then she referred us to our photocopied
handbook which provided these imaginative ideas: "picture, vase, etc."
Never in my life would I have considered a vase as a focal point (I suppose it’s
called a vahz in this case, eh?).

Final thing: Should we be concerned that the baby, still seven weeks from
being born, kicks like Aquaman when the ice cream truck goes chiming by?
Might be an inherited trait.

6 Comments

  1. You must be getting very excited. What’s it like to prepare like this? I didn’t know my 5-month-old existed until the day she was born, when Lee and I got a call that she needed parents.

    BTW, I’ve seen Aquaman kick (every Saturday morning for the first ten or so years of my life). Just be happy he doesn’t kick like Patrick Duffy as The Man from Atlantis.

  2. No concern. I remember when Nola was that age, they had pumpkin ice cream at Gannon’s. Every time I would eat some, she’d go nuts. It is a seasonal thing (only around Sept and Oct), so it will be interesting this year to see if she does the same post-utero.

    I will say this, the kicking that they do on the inside stays with them on the outside. Pretty weird.

  3. I guess you could say anticipation is building. It’s been a mix of jubilation and anxiety, but I’d mostly describe it as a smooth process so far.

    As for ice cream, when doesn’t it seem like a perfect summer treat? Toss in a catchy jingle blaring through the neighborhood, gets a body running down the street like in the Eddie Murphy act (includes a few cusses).

  4. Or just start this playing over and over on the laptop, since we’ll want to be watching S. Street soon enough. Having a cone of my own is an idea worth keeping: “Continue breathing and focus on me eating this ice cream cone.”

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